The Last Four Years + What's Next

By my count it’s been about four years since we left InterVarsity, and in some sense, our public ministry. A lot has happened during that time and I feel like we have not done the best job keeping everyone up to date. So I thought it was time to catch everyone up before updating everyone on where we are going.

It was about five years ago when I read a book called “Shaping of Things to Come” by Frost and Hirsch and it really shook me up. I have since met Frost and told him that he ruined my life – he said he gets that a lot. He didn’t really ruin my life, but he sure turned it upside down. It was around that time that we were starting to think about what was next for us. We had been with IV for about 10 years and were feeling like we had taken these students as far as we could. We loved what we did and to this day we miss it but it was clear to us that it was time to move to the next thing. The only problem was it wasn’t clear what that next thing was.

But the one thing I did know was it had to be missional. That’s a tough word to define these days as everyone uses that word now. But the best way I have heard it defined was by Frost at a conference I attended. He said missional is when mission is the catalyst and colors the way we do everything else. So we still worship, but our worship is catalyzed by mission. Our community is catalyzed by mission. Too often I have seen worship or the gathering being the catalyst. We do mission because we want more folks at our gathering. We wanted to change our default from that of gathering to one of scattering. My favorite passage has always been Luke 15 and we see a shepherd that leaves the 99 in open country to find the one that has gone astray. Too often we look at that shepherd as foolish for leaving the 99 instead of understanding the heart of the shepherd is to find what is lost.

So we set out to figure out what was next. The obvious first thing was to stay with InterVarsity. We love InterVarsity and everything it has meant in our lives. We specifically looked at New Orleans and Memphis as places that we could fit in. As much as we loved the idea of working in New Orleans specifically we longed for community and there really wasn’t anything there and we didn’t feel we could go alone.

The next thing was Seattle and it seemed like the perfect fit. Some of our best friends had moved out there and there was a need for someone to come and start a church across the street from the University of Washington. We would have a building that was a couple of feet from 30,000 college students. It seemed like the perfect fit – Seattle is a great city that is very unreached, some of our best friends were already there and it was something that we already knew how to do. It seemed perfect.

Without getting into the details, we learned that what looked perfect to us is not necessarily what God wants. To this day I still don’t understand why it didn’t work out but it was a tough blow to take. At that point we thought that we might be done with full-time ministry. Maybe God was saying that it’s time to move on and get jobs and be “normal”. Brook started a business and I spent a lot of time with the kids and we were miserable. We tried but we just couldn’t make it work.

So we started to think about ministry again and got in touch with a great woman in San Francisco that we connected with. San Francisco has always been my favorite place in the world. I used to spend days there as a teenager eating clam chowder in a sourdough bowl and getting lost in this mesmerizing city. It’s also a very unreached and unchurched city which fit into what we wanted to do.

So we went for a visit and spent quite a bit of time in the Russian part of town called the Richmond. It felt like we were walking in the streets of Kiev, with the familiar smells and language that we loved so much. We were ready to move that day and for the most part we did mentally.

If there is one mistake that we made it was that of impatience. We just could not wait any longer and had to go. The prudent thing to do would have been to wait a year, maybe try to build a support team and possibly a team of people to go with us. But we were so excited about finding something to be excited about that we had to get there as soon as possible.

So we did – we packed our stuff and left. Looking back, we really needed to leave Sarasota even if it wasn’t the smart thing to do. We are thankful that our house sold and that things worked out – God was very merciful with us. We had not been very easy to deal with, of that I am sure. But we made it to SF without much of a plan.

We have now been here a little over two years. We have learned quite a bit since our arrival. We have spent an inordinate amount of time finding a way to make it financially here. There is no other way to put it other than it is very, very expensive to live in San Francisco. There was an idea among the Southern Baptists here in San Francisco to start an administration hub to help small churches and church plants and Brook ran with it. The Church Network Hub was born and we have spent close to two years getting it off the ground. We have had some ups and downs but Brook is very good at what she does and she has helped stabilize quite a few churches and help quite a few others get off the ground.

But we still hadn’t figured out what we were going to do. We figured out fairly quickly that as much as we loved some of the people that were working with the Southern Baptists that we just didn’t fit in there. I worked briefly with a non-profit that was started by the SBC but it wasn’t in San Francisco. We looked at starting a church at the college we lived near (SF State) but we ran into a lot of red tape and not a lot of friendly faces among the ministries there.

We were very surprised to find that the San Francisco church scene wasn’t what we thought it would be. For a city that has shunned the Sunday morning church service we were expecting to find a church that has adapted and experimented but what we found was strikingly similar to what we had just left. We found some house church stuff but many of them were struggling to find their place and to reach out to those around them. We have found many wonderful believers here but as one friend put it, there are so many leaders here but not very many followers.

So again we found ourselves struggling to find our place. What is it that we want to do? What do we want to invest our lives in? For the first ten years of our married life it was so easy. Every day we knew what we were called to and for the last four years we haven’t. What seemed so basic at one time became our biggest struggle. So we had to get to the core of what we believe and go from there.

The first thing is we want to get back to investing in individuals. When I look back at my ten years with IV the most important things we did was invest in individual students. We had some good events and all, but in the end, it was our investment in individuals that stand out. Meeting freshmen the first day on campus and investing in them and watching them blossom into Kingdom leaders. The fruit of that investment continues as many of our former students continue to live out what they began in college.

And the best approach that I have seen to invest in individuals and produce leaders is to start what the Tampa Underground calls micro-churches. Micro-churches are exactly what they sound like – small churches. These small churches are intentionally small and relational. The goal is not the gathering but the building and releasing of leaders. The micro-church functions as a church in its worship, community and mission but it is also networked with other micro-churches that have the same DNA.

In other words, we want to see small churches planted that are catalyzed by mission and produce leaders that would plant new small churches.

Each micro-church may be about something different - a different people group, a different neighborhood, a college campus. But each micro-church would be intentionally small, relational and missional.

The second thing we long for is an intentional community. From very early in our marriage Brook and I had always been a part of an intentional community. Our mission trips to the former Soviet Union were always set up that way and we bought a house for the sole purpose of having students live with us. Our desire is to once again be a part of an intentional community that lives a life of mission together.

Finally, we long to be passionate about a people again. There was a time in our lives that we would have done anything for the college students we served. We celebrated birthdays with them, they were among the first to hold our children, we shared in their weddings and we struggled with them as they made hard life decisions. Our hearts were broken more than once but there was no doubt to anyone that knew us that our hearts were given to our students. Our desire is to give our hearts to away again.

As we have struggled to make ends meet here I took a part-time job at a local grocery store. For the most part it was not a good experience but the one thing that sticks out is that amount of Russian speakers I would run into. Every night a different Russian speaker would come through my line and my attention would go straight to them. I would ask where they were from and try to speak whatever Russian I could remember to them. It got to the point where I would look for the Russian speakers each night hoping I would get a chance to talk to a few.

A couple of months ago we received notice that our rent was going up significantly and we were resigned to move. As we talked about where we might want to go we thought about the Richmond district again and over the last few weeks Russian speakers have been on our hearts. A friend of a friend works with Russian speakers in Las Vegas and he was in town and we spent some time with him. We have made multiple visits to the Richmond district and started looking at places there. Two families that we are close with live in the Richmond.

Could it be that God would be calling us to a people that we love in a city that we love? After four years of struggling with the basic idea of who are we called to, could it be that perfect? Needless to say we are a little shaky when it comes to hearing with certainty from the Lord and there are still many questions that remain unanswered. We need to find a place in the Richmond in the next few weeks, it needs to be financially feasible for us to stay in San Francisco, and most important we still have not found the intentional community that we long for. But if we have learned anything from these last four years it is that we have a faithful God that we can trust not just to provide but also to sustain us.

So we are prayerfully moving ahead with the vision to move into the Richmond and give our lives to the Russian speakers there. We have targeted a 30 block area where there are 16,000 Russian speakers to move into and live among. Our desire is to look for a person of peace (Luke 10) and begin investing in relationships in the community with the goal to start a micro-church targeting Russian speakers.

At this point we are asking people to pray for us as we make this move and specifically for the right place to live, the right people to meet and for our financial situation to steady.

We have made the SF Underground Facebook group public and we will be updating it regularly with our progress. You can also learn more about our core values and how you can support us through the Underground.

If you made it to the end of this you are truly a friend of ours. ☺ We are thankful for your friendship and support (even if you didn’t make it all the way through) and we are excited to take this next step with you.

Reflections on St Patrick and his mom

St Patrick’s Day always causes me to be rather reflective. Ever since I heard the true story of St Patrick back in college, I’ve been intrigued. There are many versions since so little historical documentation exists but the basics are this: Patrick grew up a relatively wealthy and not particularly spiritual kid in the early 400’s. At the age of about 16 he was kidnapped from his home in Britain and sold into slavery in Ireland where he spent 6 difficult years. While there, often hungry and cold and lonely, he learned to pray and listen to God who led him to escape. Once back in Britain (and stories have different versions of what his life was like there) he received an education and eventually had a dream in which the people of Ireland calling him to return and share the gospel with them. He followed that call and had years of fruitful ministry. (You can do an internet search on much better versions of the story – this is from my sketchy memory.)
From a missions point of view this is an amazing story. From a mom’s point of view, I really wrestle with the truths here. Having my son kidnapped would be just about the worst possible thing I could imagine happening (and trust me, my imagination relating to terrible things happening to me or my family is quite vivid). I cannot imagine the grief Patrick’s mother must have felt when he was taken from her. I wonder how she got through the next 6 years of wondering what happened, if he was alive, if he was suffering, if she had other children to which she had to relate, no closure…. But as we see, God used this terrible thing in Patrick’s life for a purpose his mother could never have dreamed of. He learned the language of the Irish, their pagan religion and culture and mostly he was humbled, refined in character and learned to pray and listen to God. None of which he could have learned in his comfortable, middle class, British home. Patrick had the courage and integrity to return to a place and a people that had caused much suffering in his life to share the gospel with them. And I believe now he is rejoicing in heaven with the generations of fruit from his obedience.
This story challenges me because it shakes up what I want for my kids. Mostly, I hope they are happy, safe and loved. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with this necessarily and I plan to continue to provide a safe home where they are overall happy, safe and loved. But it makes me consider two things: First, that my desires for my kids to be happy, successful and safe may not be God’s desires. In a real, eternal sense they are not “my” children. I got to carry them in me, nurse them and I get to minister to them for a time but their lives belong to God. He has things planned for them I could never imagine and I likely will walk with them through tough things. My heart is increasingly for them to look to God for their meaning and fulfillment – not my dreams or hope. I hold their precious little lives for these few short years lightly and full of thankfulness.
The second thing this story does is focus my discipleship of them on imparting the tools they need to walk closely with God. Above academics or good manners or cultural literacy or certain skills my heart is for them to have hearts that look to God in everything. Ultimately I want them to be faithful to God’s plan for their lives and have the tools they would need to walk obediently with Him wherever he calls and whatever life brings their way. There is no way I can tell where God will lead them but I’m certain they will need a store of scripture in their hearts, a vision for the big story of redemption God is working out with his people and the practice of seeking God in everything.
I recently asked the kids what part of themselves they were most thankful for. Lilia started with, “My heart because God forgives all the sin in my heart.” Samuel chose, “My mind because it helps me understand God.” They both still have a long way to go in their journey to become followers of Jesus but my prayer is that we can all rejoice in heaven together over what God does in their lives, wherever that leads or whatever joy or pain it might bring to this mother’s heart.

Stringing together the days

The kids and I have been studying Genesis for the past few months. It’s fun to approach old, familiar stories with their fresh eyes. I recently asked Sam if he had any observations from our studies and he thought for a moment and said, “People are not perfect.” Well said, I thought.
The thing that has struck me is how messy it all is. Over and over God makes it clear what he wants from His people. Over and over they not only fail, but fall into complete chaos and depravity. Then He cleans house, picks up the pieces and pushes forward with getting people to know Him. There is a lot of judgment going on but seriously, it looks like we needed it. I suppose it’s easier to see clearly on this side of the story.
Not to mention how long the stretches of time are. The cards we use to memorize a timeline of biblical events has approximate years on some events so I’m seeing time lapses in ways I often miss when reading straight through the narrative. For example, from the time Abram left Ur for Canaan to the time God showed up to make a covenant with him was 9 years. This may not seem like a huge span of time in the scheme of biblical history but being a details person this feels huge. So he and Sarai and all their stuff left the familiar into the unknown and they weren’t even sure what the whole story was. It was another 14 years until Isaac was actually born. I can’t really blame Sarah at this point for pushing the whole Hagar thing and laughing when the angels told her that, at 91, she would be holding her own son when they returned in a year. She had been stringing days together and putting one foot in front of the other in hopes of this promise for over 20 years. Can we blame her for being tired of hoping?
We are just getting to the story of Joseph and his slavery in Egypt. I’m trying to imagine his years of slavery – missing his family, struggling with bitterness towards his brothers, wondering about his father…years of stringing days together and trying to be faithful. We don’t get much insight into his daily relationship with God but there must have been days in Potiphar’s house when he was hopeful that God was doing something (after all, he had those dreams) and some when he despaired and just had to get through the day – all to end up wrongfully in prison for years. We see the whole story and know the end – Joseph put one foot in front of the other, probably not quite sure where this was all going, for over 20 years.
Ah, the parallels with life recently. Personally, I would like to get the messy, uncertain stuff over with more quickly, please. Often, I get weary of hoping. Seems like there was a time, in what seems like another life recently, where my purpose was clear and calling was sure. When I knew where the stringing together of days was headed – or thought I did. The 5ish years since God led us to step back from InterVarsity have been difficult and confusing. I’m good on the big picture (could the kingdom of God come a little faster though?), it’s my little corner that feels messy right now. Dave and I recently sat down to work out a set of core of values that we want to live our life by. Nothing lofty, just the things that will guide some decisions we have to make over the next month or two. Overall, the big picture is clear it’s the little stuff that gets murky for me.
And I am NOT a fan of murky – or messy, or unclear, or uncertain, or not quite sure what tomorrow holds. I’m usually up for a little adventure but would prefer a to-do list for the day with guaranteed results. But like Sarah and Rebekah (who was married to Isaac for 20 years before she had her twin boys) and Joseph I must string days together. Get up, exercise, work, shepherd kids, eat…all the details and ups and downs of life and somehow do that in the face of uncertainty and in the light of God’s promises. I’m hopeful that in the stringing together of days something of beauty is being made. God certainly did something with all that messy stuff in Genesis to bring the world the people of Israel and ultimately a Savior for all. While they were waiting they kept the tents clean, everyone fed and put one foot in front of the other.