The Last Four Years + What's Next

By my count it’s been about four years since we left InterVarsity, and in some sense, our public ministry. A lot has happened during that time and I feel like we have not done the best job keeping everyone up to date. So I thought it was time to catch everyone up before updating everyone on where we are going.

It was about five years ago when I read a book called “Shaping of Things to Come” by Frost and Hirsch and it really shook me up. I have since met Frost and told him that he ruined my life – he said he gets that a lot. He didn’t really ruin my life, but he sure turned it upside down. It was around that time that we were starting to think about what was next for us. We had been with IV for about 10 years and were feeling like we had taken these students as far as we could. We loved what we did and to this day we miss it but it was clear to us that it was time to move to the next thing. The only problem was it wasn’t clear what that next thing was.

But the one thing I did know was it had to be missional. That’s a tough word to define these days as everyone uses that word now. But the best way I have heard it defined was by Frost at a conference I attended. He said missional is when mission is the catalyst and colors the way we do everything else. So we still worship, but our worship is catalyzed by mission. Our community is catalyzed by mission. Too often I have seen worship or the gathering being the catalyst. We do mission because we want more folks at our gathering. We wanted to change our default from that of gathering to one of scattering. My favorite passage has always been Luke 15 and we see a shepherd that leaves the 99 in open country to find the one that has gone astray. Too often we look at that shepherd as foolish for leaving the 99 instead of understanding the heart of the shepherd is to find what is lost.

So we set out to figure out what was next. The obvious first thing was to stay with InterVarsity. We love InterVarsity and everything it has meant in our lives. We specifically looked at New Orleans and Memphis as places that we could fit in. As much as we loved the idea of working in New Orleans specifically we longed for community and there really wasn’t anything there and we didn’t feel we could go alone.

The next thing was Seattle and it seemed like the perfect fit. Some of our best friends had moved out there and there was a need for someone to come and start a church across the street from the University of Washington. We would have a building that was a couple of feet from 30,000 college students. It seemed like the perfect fit – Seattle is a great city that is very unreached, some of our best friends were already there and it was something that we already knew how to do. It seemed perfect.

Without getting into the details, we learned that what looked perfect to us is not necessarily what God wants. To this day I still don’t understand why it didn’t work out but it was a tough blow to take. At that point we thought that we might be done with full-time ministry. Maybe God was saying that it’s time to move on and get jobs and be “normal”. Brook started a business and I spent a lot of time with the kids and we were miserable. We tried but we just couldn’t make it work.

So we started to think about ministry again and got in touch with a great woman in San Francisco that we connected with. San Francisco has always been my favorite place in the world. I used to spend days there as a teenager eating clam chowder in a sourdough bowl and getting lost in this mesmerizing city. It’s also a very unreached and unchurched city which fit into what we wanted to do.

So we went for a visit and spent quite a bit of time in the Russian part of town called the Richmond. It felt like we were walking in the streets of Kiev, with the familiar smells and language that we loved so much. We were ready to move that day and for the most part we did mentally.

If there is one mistake that we made it was that of impatience. We just could not wait any longer and had to go. The prudent thing to do would have been to wait a year, maybe try to build a support team and possibly a team of people to go with us. But we were so excited about finding something to be excited about that we had to get there as soon as possible.

So we did – we packed our stuff and left. Looking back, we really needed to leave Sarasota even if it wasn’t the smart thing to do. We are thankful that our house sold and that things worked out – God was very merciful with us. We had not been very easy to deal with, of that I am sure. But we made it to SF without much of a plan.

We have now been here a little over two years. We have learned quite a bit since our arrival. We have spent an inordinate amount of time finding a way to make it financially here. There is no other way to put it other than it is very, very expensive to live in San Francisco. There was an idea among the Southern Baptists here in San Francisco to start an administration hub to help small churches and church plants and Brook ran with it. The Church Network Hub was born and we have spent close to two years getting it off the ground. We have had some ups and downs but Brook is very good at what she does and she has helped stabilize quite a few churches and help quite a few others get off the ground.

But we still hadn’t figured out what we were going to do. We figured out fairly quickly that as much as we loved some of the people that were working with the Southern Baptists that we just didn’t fit in there. I worked briefly with a non-profit that was started by the SBC but it wasn’t in San Francisco. We looked at starting a church at the college we lived near (SF State) but we ran into a lot of red tape and not a lot of friendly faces among the ministries there.

We were very surprised to find that the San Francisco church scene wasn’t what we thought it would be. For a city that has shunned the Sunday morning church service we were expecting to find a church that has adapted and experimented but what we found was strikingly similar to what we had just left. We found some house church stuff but many of them were struggling to find their place and to reach out to those around them. We have found many wonderful believers here but as one friend put it, there are so many leaders here but not very many followers.

So again we found ourselves struggling to find our place. What is it that we want to do? What do we want to invest our lives in? For the first ten years of our married life it was so easy. Every day we knew what we were called to and for the last four years we haven’t. What seemed so basic at one time became our biggest struggle. So we had to get to the core of what we believe and go from there.

The first thing is we want to get back to investing in individuals. When I look back at my ten years with IV the most important things we did was invest in individual students. We had some good events and all, but in the end, it was our investment in individuals that stand out. Meeting freshmen the first day on campus and investing in them and watching them blossom into Kingdom leaders. The fruit of that investment continues as many of our former students continue to live out what they began in college.

And the best approach that I have seen to invest in individuals and produce leaders is to start what the Tampa Underground calls micro-churches. Micro-churches are exactly what they sound like – small churches. These small churches are intentionally small and relational. The goal is not the gathering but the building and releasing of leaders. The micro-church functions as a church in its worship, community and mission but it is also networked with other micro-churches that have the same DNA.

In other words, we want to see small churches planted that are catalyzed by mission and produce leaders that would plant new small churches.

Each micro-church may be about something different - a different people group, a different neighborhood, a college campus. But each micro-church would be intentionally small, relational and missional.

The second thing we long for is an intentional community. From very early in our marriage Brook and I had always been a part of an intentional community. Our mission trips to the former Soviet Union were always set up that way and we bought a house for the sole purpose of having students live with us. Our desire is to once again be a part of an intentional community that lives a life of mission together.

Finally, we long to be passionate about a people again. There was a time in our lives that we would have done anything for the college students we served. We celebrated birthdays with them, they were among the first to hold our children, we shared in their weddings and we struggled with them as they made hard life decisions. Our hearts were broken more than once but there was no doubt to anyone that knew us that our hearts were given to our students. Our desire is to give our hearts to away again.

As we have struggled to make ends meet here I took a part-time job at a local grocery store. For the most part it was not a good experience but the one thing that sticks out is that amount of Russian speakers I would run into. Every night a different Russian speaker would come through my line and my attention would go straight to them. I would ask where they were from and try to speak whatever Russian I could remember to them. It got to the point where I would look for the Russian speakers each night hoping I would get a chance to talk to a few.

A couple of months ago we received notice that our rent was going up significantly and we were resigned to move. As we talked about where we might want to go we thought about the Richmond district again and over the last few weeks Russian speakers have been on our hearts. A friend of a friend works with Russian speakers in Las Vegas and he was in town and we spent some time with him. We have made multiple visits to the Richmond district and started looking at places there. Two families that we are close with live in the Richmond.

Could it be that God would be calling us to a people that we love in a city that we love? After four years of struggling with the basic idea of who are we called to, could it be that perfect? Needless to say we are a little shaky when it comes to hearing with certainty from the Lord and there are still many questions that remain unanswered. We need to find a place in the Richmond in the next few weeks, it needs to be financially feasible for us to stay in San Francisco, and most important we still have not found the intentional community that we long for. But if we have learned anything from these last four years it is that we have a faithful God that we can trust not just to provide but also to sustain us.

So we are prayerfully moving ahead with the vision to move into the Richmond and give our lives to the Russian speakers there. We have targeted a 30 block area where there are 16,000 Russian speakers to move into and live among. Our desire is to look for a person of peace (Luke 10) and begin investing in relationships in the community with the goal to start a micro-church targeting Russian speakers.

At this point we are asking people to pray for us as we make this move and specifically for the right place to live, the right people to meet and for our financial situation to steady.

We have made the SF Underground Facebook group public and we will be updating it regularly with our progress. You can also learn more about our core values and how you can support us through the Underground.

If you made it to the end of this you are truly a friend of ours. ☺ We are thankful for your friendship and support (even if you didn’t make it all the way through) and we are excited to take this next step with you.

Reflections on St Patrick and his mom

St Patrick’s Day always causes me to be rather reflective. Ever since I heard the true story of St Patrick back in college, I’ve been intrigued. There are many versions since so little historical documentation exists but the basics are this: Patrick grew up a relatively wealthy and not particularly spiritual kid in the early 400’s. At the age of about 16 he was kidnapped from his home in Britain and sold into slavery in Ireland where he spent 6 difficult years. While there, often hungry and cold and lonely, he learned to pray and listen to God who led him to escape. Once back in Britain (and stories have different versions of what his life was like there) he received an education and eventually had a dream in which the people of Ireland calling him to return and share the gospel with them. He followed that call and had years of fruitful ministry. (You can do an internet search on much better versions of the story – this is from my sketchy memory.)
From a missions point of view this is an amazing story. From a mom’s point of view, I really wrestle with the truths here. Having my son kidnapped would be just about the worst possible thing I could imagine happening (and trust me, my imagination relating to terrible things happening to me or my family is quite vivid). I cannot imagine the grief Patrick’s mother must have felt when he was taken from her. I wonder how she got through the next 6 years of wondering what happened, if he was alive, if he was suffering, if she had other children to which she had to relate, no closure…. But as we see, God used this terrible thing in Patrick’s life for a purpose his mother could never have dreamed of. He learned the language of the Irish, their pagan religion and culture and mostly he was humbled, refined in character and learned to pray and listen to God. None of which he could have learned in his comfortable, middle class, British home. Patrick had the courage and integrity to return to a place and a people that had caused much suffering in his life to share the gospel with them. And I believe now he is rejoicing in heaven with the generations of fruit from his obedience.
This story challenges me because it shakes up what I want for my kids. Mostly, I hope they are happy, safe and loved. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with this necessarily and I plan to continue to provide a safe home where they are overall happy, safe and loved. But it makes me consider two things: First, that my desires for my kids to be happy, successful and safe may not be God’s desires. In a real, eternal sense they are not “my” children. I got to carry them in me, nurse them and I get to minister to them for a time but their lives belong to God. He has things planned for them I could never imagine and I likely will walk with them through tough things. My heart is increasingly for them to look to God for their meaning and fulfillment – not my dreams or hope. I hold their precious little lives for these few short years lightly and full of thankfulness.
The second thing this story does is focus my discipleship of them on imparting the tools they need to walk closely with God. Above academics or good manners or cultural literacy or certain skills my heart is for them to have hearts that look to God in everything. Ultimately I want them to be faithful to God’s plan for their lives and have the tools they would need to walk obediently with Him wherever he calls and whatever life brings their way. There is no way I can tell where God will lead them but I’m certain they will need a store of scripture in their hearts, a vision for the big story of redemption God is working out with his people and the practice of seeking God in everything.
I recently asked the kids what part of themselves they were most thankful for. Lilia started with, “My heart because God forgives all the sin in my heart.” Samuel chose, “My mind because it helps me understand God.” They both still have a long way to go in their journey to become followers of Jesus but my prayer is that we can all rejoice in heaven together over what God does in their lives, wherever that leads or whatever joy or pain it might bring to this mother’s heart.

Stringing together the days

The kids and I have been studying Genesis for the past few months. It’s fun to approach old, familiar stories with their fresh eyes. I recently asked Sam if he had any observations from our studies and he thought for a moment and said, “People are not perfect.” Well said, I thought.
The thing that has struck me is how messy it all is. Over and over God makes it clear what he wants from His people. Over and over they not only fail, but fall into complete chaos and depravity. Then He cleans house, picks up the pieces and pushes forward with getting people to know Him. There is a lot of judgment going on but seriously, it looks like we needed it. I suppose it’s easier to see clearly on this side of the story.
Not to mention how long the stretches of time are. The cards we use to memorize a timeline of biblical events has approximate years on some events so I’m seeing time lapses in ways I often miss when reading straight through the narrative. For example, from the time Abram left Ur for Canaan to the time God showed up to make a covenant with him was 9 years. This may not seem like a huge span of time in the scheme of biblical history but being a details person this feels huge. So he and Sarai and all their stuff left the familiar into the unknown and they weren’t even sure what the whole story was. It was another 14 years until Isaac was actually born. I can’t really blame Sarah at this point for pushing the whole Hagar thing and laughing when the angels told her that, at 91, she would be holding her own son when they returned in a year. She had been stringing days together and putting one foot in front of the other in hopes of this promise for over 20 years. Can we blame her for being tired of hoping?
We are just getting to the story of Joseph and his slavery in Egypt. I’m trying to imagine his years of slavery – missing his family, struggling with bitterness towards his brothers, wondering about his father…years of stringing days together and trying to be faithful. We don’t get much insight into his daily relationship with God but there must have been days in Potiphar’s house when he was hopeful that God was doing something (after all, he had those dreams) and some when he despaired and just had to get through the day – all to end up wrongfully in prison for years. We see the whole story and know the end – Joseph put one foot in front of the other, probably not quite sure where this was all going, for over 20 years.
Ah, the parallels with life recently. Personally, I would like to get the messy, uncertain stuff over with more quickly, please. Often, I get weary of hoping. Seems like there was a time, in what seems like another life recently, where my purpose was clear and calling was sure. When I knew where the stringing together of days was headed – or thought I did. The 5ish years since God led us to step back from InterVarsity have been difficult and confusing. I’m good on the big picture (could the kingdom of God come a little faster though?), it’s my little corner that feels messy right now. Dave and I recently sat down to work out a set of core of values that we want to live our life by. Nothing lofty, just the things that will guide some decisions we have to make over the next month or two. Overall, the big picture is clear it’s the little stuff that gets murky for me.
And I am NOT a fan of murky – or messy, or unclear, or uncertain, or not quite sure what tomorrow holds. I’m usually up for a little adventure but would prefer a to-do list for the day with guaranteed results. But like Sarah and Rebekah (who was married to Isaac for 20 years before she had her twin boys) and Joseph I must string days together. Get up, exercise, work, shepherd kids, eat…all the details and ups and downs of life and somehow do that in the face of uncertainty and in the light of God’s promises. I’m hopeful that in the stringing together of days something of beauty is being made. God certainly did something with all that messy stuff in Genesis to bring the world the people of Israel and ultimately a Savior for all. While they were waiting they kept the tents clean, everyone fed and put one foot in front of the other.

Committments

I recently had an epiphany of sorts about marriage. Probably something the rest of the world knows but I’m slow sometimes. In the day to day stresses and ups and downs of life, parenting and ministry I forget that my true marital commitment is to Dave. The person Dave. Not some ideal of marriage, not primarily to the call we share to the city and building the Kingdom, not even to the children God has blessed us with. Years ago when we took our vows I vowed to be faithful to him in sickness, health, poverty, wealth, etc. This means that I may not be happy with choices he makes or moods he is in or where life has brought us. And I’ll bet there are days when it is the same for him. But we have a commitment to each other so I may change and he may change and we work on making it work. A commitment to a person, not just a relationship or institution. People are tricky, messy and unpredictable.

Because the other side of it is that there are days when things just click. When I think I can’t ever love someone an ounce more and I feel so amazingly blessed that someone would put up with me 24/7 for the rest of his life. When he knows me so well it’s eerie and we look ahead with hope. These things sustain the commitment we made and refresh our love for each other. In the good times I remember how amazing marriage is and I’m grateful for sticking out the tough times because ultimately Dave is a better husband than I could have designed before I really understood what marriage entails.

So this got me thinking about my relationship with God. Since Dave and I are called to reflect this beautiful love my misunderstanding at times damages my relationship with God. My biggest weakness here is seeing God as a cause. I’ve always wanted to “change the world” and at 17, one of the things that attracted me to the gospel was this sense of being part of something bigger. Seeing that I was too small to save the world and in fact needed saving myself. This was a calling worth surrendering everything to. This God cared for the weak, saw the plight of the poor, held the whole broken earth in His hands – this was a God I could serve.

And to the best if my abilities, time and treasure I’ve tried to. But here’s the rub – serving God doesn’t always feel like saving the world or being part of some big, grand cause. Sometimes the sacrifices feel too great and the path seems winding and foggy and not at all like doing something exciting and redeeming. Sometimes it’s drudgery, exhaustion and frustration. Sometimes it feels scary and uncertain and not at all what I expected when I started on this path.
So I find myself getting back to the heart of what it means to follow God. To follow God when I am not happy with where He’s brought me in life and not happy with His silence or the way He is answering my prayers. It’s significantly different than marriage because He is perfect and Dave, for all his wonderfulness, isn’t. But my relationship with God is similarly broken and in need of a reminder that when I gave my life over to Jesus 19 years ago this month it wasn’t to a cause or institution, it was to a Person. A kind, loving, sovereign God who sees a big picture I don’t see. A God who wants to give me life abundant and calls me friend. A God who cares less what I accomplish to save the world and more that I just keep loving Him and pointing others to Him in my own broken way. This is a God to stick with. How thankful I am for His love.

Another Beginning...

Here's a church planting update from Dave...

I’ve always loved the beginning of things. There’s something about the endless possibilities that intoxicates me. During my days with IV the fall was my favorite time of the year. Dreaming about new possibilities on campus, meeting new students, months of plans now ready to begin to take shape.

So it is with this same excitement that we mark the beginning of a new movement here in San Francisco: Underground:San Francisco.

As most of you know we are planting a campus-centered church at San Francisco State called Matrix. Matrix isn’t a traditional church but instead we envision a group of micro-churches planted in living spaces and by affinity groups. It is a slow process that will be built on relationships, planting one micro-church at a time. We have started meeting people on campus and have quite a few contacts that we are cultivating.

But the Underground is not a church - it’s a network of churches. The original Underground is located in Tampa and they planted a new network in St. Petersburg, FL. There are plans to start new networks in Germany, Haiti, Manilla and San Francisco. Find out more here…http://www.undergroundglobal.org/

Our working definition for Underground:San Francisco is as follows…

Underground:San Francisco is a network that encourages and equips ministries first and foremost. Our goal is to be a support system for SF ministries in every way possible. We offer our network to encourage, support, equip, relate and empathize. We desire to provide leadership, direction and resources for the network but exist to serve the micro-churches, not to be served.

San Francisco is a unique city. It’s divided into neighborhoods that each has their own unique culture. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of city. San Francisco requires relational time and effort. Because of this we believe that San Francisco is the perfect place for a web of micro-churches that are connected yet autonomous. San Francisco is a difficult place to do ministry and through the Underground we desire to create a community that equips, encourages and supports those who do mission here San Francisco.

The purpose of the Underground is both church planting and missional community. As a friend puts it, we long to find the cracks and crevices that have been missed in our city and release mission into those places while maintaining community with those that are sent out.

In other words, the Underground will inspire individuals to mission, connect individuals to missional communities, empower communities to discover and obey their God given mission and equip and release those communities into mission.

I am renewed by the idea of inspiring, connecting, empowering, equipping and releasing. For a while I felt a bit lost, not really knowing what my role was in the big picture. But today I am excited and motivated by this new challenge.

One of the things I love about the Underground is that its main purpose it to bless, not receive. There are no fees, dues or any sort of financial commitment from the micro-churches. With that comes the challenge sustaining a long-term director for the Underground. San Francisco is not a cheap place to live and we understand that sacrifices will be made in order for us to be here. But we believe the benefits of seeing missional communities released into this great city far outweigh the sacrifices we make to live here.

We have started a non-profit called the Church Network Hub which we launched a little over a year ago and is doing well. We believe the Hub will continue to grow and allow us some financial flexibility but we still need to supplement that income to make a livable wage in San Francisco.

So we are in search of partners that will support the work of both Matrix and the Underground here in San Francisco. All funds will go to cover salary and expenses and are tax deductible.

We are looking into other methods of giving, but for now checks can be mailed to…
Tampa Underground
Underground:San Francisco in the memo line
1300 E. 7th Ave
Tampa, FL. 33605

We are trusting God in this new endeavor and believe He is faithful.

Reflections on prayer

So I’m relaxing on Maui this month with family and having some chance to reflect. I feel like i'm going better integrating the life i had here with the life i have now. but more on that later - it's been giving me some time to reflect at least.

Often I pray out of a deeply felt need or frustration over something. I believe God loves praying out of brokenness – Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. But with a little distance from the daily rush of life, I’m realizing that often I just want to feel better about whatever situation I’m praying about. Or I just want it to be easier to live a faithful, ministry focused life. Or I have an agenda of what I would like to see happen and I’m asking God to make that happen. I’m not really seeking what God is doing, or how I can be obedient in this situation or any steps of obedience He wants me to take. I just want it all to go away or find some security or feel better about the way my life is going. Yuck. I wish I could say my motives were nobler.

Perhaps that is why God so often brings up situations or issues that keep me on my knees. If things were actually easy and I felt secure I wouldn’t be there very often because I’d be breezing along thinking I was doing a great job completely ignoring the lessons God was teaching me or the ways He is shaping my character. And I must say, while that way sounds more fun, being kept on my knees generally on a daily basis yields more fruit. Somewhere in the garbled, selfish, not-quite-pure prayers God finds something beautiful in me and what He is doing. And even if I am pushing my own agenda or asking for something that isn’t possible God still works gently into what He wants for me. So I'll keep seeking in my shaky, sporadic, imperfect way.

Reading journals.....

I have loved to keep a journal since I could first write. I have one from about 1st grade when I was apparently very angry at my dad for going on a business trip. All I wrote was, "Papa came home. Stupid Papa came home." Poor guy. Just doing his job and I get upset with him. I have stacks and stacks of those pretty diaries (on the outside, not always so pretty inside I must admit).

"We have heard it with our ears, O God; our ancestors have told us what you did in their days, in days long ago." Psalm 44:2

Now I just use a binder with lots of sections. Like the Israelites told stories and built altars to remind themselves and their children of God's faithfulness, my scribbles are my reminders - of God's faithfulness and all He has done in my life. This is helpful because I am very forgetful. Give me a difficult day and I get all whiny about the uncertainty of life and how I continually feel like a failure in living a godly, loving life. Yet, how can I read about these things without being awed at God's faithfulness?

• In high school, when I loved looking down on my Christian friends and arguing with them He gently drew my heart to Him.
• In college, when I felt lost and confused I found myself with a godly, loving roommate.
  
• When I graduated and headed off to Ukraine, having no idea what I was doing with my life He brought Dave into the picture.
• When we landed in Sarasota not knowing a soul, He raised up a fruitful ministry and loving supporters, colleagues and friends.
  
• When we dreamed of having a house where we could live in community with students we found ourselves with one that we were blessed to live in for 12 years.
• God has blessed us with two wonderful, precious lives to care for and enjoy and another to hold when we get to heaven.
  
• When we needed almost $12,000 to travel with 5 students to Tajikistan He provided every last penny. And brought everyone home safely.
  
• When we sought him through 2 years of wilderness for what to do next he prepared us and provided for us to miraculously get to San Francisco, provide us a place to live, and raise up the Hub out of nothing.
  

The list could go on and on. And on and on. So it seems almost silly that I would look ahead with fear. With a God so faithful to lead and provide in the past, is there any reason He won't continue to do so? Why can't we dream of a house near SF State where we could live in community with students or other mission-hearted people? Why wouldn't God raise up leaders to start small communities that will grow in love and ministry? Why couldn't God place a business near campus that would incarnate gospel values and solidify a missional presence in that community? If we are truly walking in His will, or at least making a sincere effort to do so, why shouldn't I trust Him to provide all we need to live and raise our family?

It might not look like we dream. It might take longer than we would like. It will be a tough fight sometimes. But I'm making sure to jot down my random thoughts and disjointed prayer requests and I'm looking forward to looking back on them years from now and smiling at God's faithfulness and sharing them with our children. Because I'm sure I'll forget by then but I know He is faithful. I'm trying to keep that in mind - being uncertain of the future means it might be better than I expect not the difficulties I fear. The past certainly has been.

The difference 15 years makes

It feels hard to believe but it was about 15 years ago when we felt the tug of our hearts towards the college campuses of Sarasota. We didn't know what we were getting into or where it would lead, we just knew that there were students who weren't being reached and that we were willing to step out to do something about it. Over the next 10ish years, we saw God raise up dozens of students as Bible study leaders, led several on the path to following Jesus who hadn't been there before, traveled overseas with students multiple times, found a huge house to live with students as well as provide for all we needed over those years.

So now we are looking at engaging in similar pioneer work at a campus here in a new city. We know God has been at work there and will continue to be and we are taking similar steps of faith - not sure what it will look like, who it will involve or how our needs and the needs of the ministry will be met. But taking steps of faith like this when we are in our late 30's feels quite different from our early 20's. Here are some of the differences I'm (Brook) noticing these days:

The stakes feel higher Doing something crazy when you are just married and only responsible for yourself felt a little different that when you have two kids. The responsibility for those little lives and the fact that our choices impact them weighs heavily on me sometimes. Pursuing this path may mean a smaller college fund, less summer camps, less travel, maybe less opportunity. I often lay hands on their peaceful heads as they sleep at night and wonder about those things. Dave often reminds me that, "If we are about the right things, our kids will see that." Living a little on the edge reminds me what is important to teach my children - to take steps of faith and respond to God's leading. If they learn that, the lack of swimming lessons doesn't seem like such a big deal. I don't believe their lives will lack adventure and I'd rather them see lives lived faithfully and in obedience than have the best the world can offer. But I often hate that I have to make tough decisions and frequently say "no" to things I wish I could say "yes" to.

To some extent, I have a more realistic picture of ministry life When i was 22 and just married, hopes and dreams came easily. I had grand pictures of what a fruitful ministry could look like and what it would be like to live like a missionary. In some ways, the real joys of ministry have surpassed what I expected. The joy of praying with someone to receive new life or seeing God do miracles to provide for tremendous need can't be surpassed by any success the world offers. On the other side, the battle has often been more intense than I expected. A broken heart at someone I've come to love make bad choices or seeing someone I've prayed for for years continue to turn away from God's drawing have almost been too much to bear at times. So the deeper picture comes with both happy anticipation and fear. God is still the same God that did miracles then and there is no reason to doubt Him now. I've been praying for God's dreams and deep, genuine love for the people of San Francisco and specifically this campus will surpass any fear that might take root in my heart. I can no longer live off youthful enthusiasm, God has to grow a deep love for His people and purposes. A love that surpasses the fear of failure or hurt. I believe He can do this.

I care less about what other people think. This is something God has been breaking me of for quite a while. In the early days of getting on campus and introducing myself to people, I equated them liking be with being receptive to the gospel. Older and wiser, I feel more and more that I can take myself out of the picture and just keep praying Jesus shines through. Before I was a follower of Jesus, one of the things that attracted me to a faith community was the freedom to love my friends seemed to feel. I'm praying that this will be attractive to those who are lost we might meet in this community.

I feel like we are living on the edge - we can't see what the future holds. But I'm doing my best to embrace that fully. Even as I grow older and lose much of the idealism of my youth, I never want to become too security-centered and fearful to take steps where God is leading. He has been faithful all these years, there is no reason to believe things will change now. It just looks a little murkier from this side of 35 than from the other side. :)

A change in tone

So I've been reflecting on a couple things lately (this is Brook writing). One is making this blog a more honest reflection of what ministry, and more specifically ministry in San Francisco, is like on a daily basis. Having written LOTS of prayer letters and update emails over our many years of ministry, the inclination is always to share the good stuff - the progress we are making, the vision God has given us, the ways He has provided, the needs we have. But as many of us know, there is another side to ministry...and parenting...and life. The daily ups and downs, the doubt about where God is leading, the embattled feeling. I've been reading a friend's blog who writes about parenting a special needs child and while her situation is different from mine, I find myself drawn to her honesty and encouraged by the hope she finds in the daily ups and downs of her life. Maybe because it affirms what I've been realizing with stunning clarity the last month - things will not be better this side of heaven. Not that we don't heal, or we don't have hope, or we don't experience joy. But that the sooner I accept that there isn't some magic super-spiritual place where I'm going to make all the right choices and never lose my temper and never get discouraged the less disappointed I will feel when my day doesn't go well or I fail at being the woman of God I feel called to be.

We all put our best face forward for each other so I often look around and think everyone else must be sliding through life effortlessly, what's wrong with me? I was on my knees the other night after a tiring day when I felt i had failed at the most basic task of just being kind to my sweet husband and sweeter children. I asked God to take some pressure off, give me a break, make it easier somehow. Then I felt His comforting hand and He asked me, "Are you better than everyone else that I should make things easy? How else do I get you here with Me?" It was humbling. I want to stay in that place without the hard stuff but I'm seeing that isn't possible. When things feel easy, I don't pay much attention to God.


So now I'm wondering if more of us were like my friend who blogs so honestly about her journey as a mom we wouldn't feel so alone. We still expect God to answer prayers and have praise requests to report but maybe I'll share some other parts of the roller coaster ride that is church planting. And perhaps in the process, we will all look forward to heaven more when every tear will be dried, every burden lifted, every wound healed and every dream fulfilled. And many of the lost friends and neighbors we work and pray and weep over will be there with us. What a glorious day that will be.

Supporting the Matrix @ San Francisco State

Thank you for your interest in supporting the Matrix at San Francisco State. Brook and I are excited to get this new ministry started and we are less than two months away from freshmen arriving on campus.

As someone that has signed up to support us in one way or another, we wanted to share with you four different ways you can help.

1. Pray for us – There is quite a bit to be done between now and then and I wanted to fill you in on a couple of prayer requests.

· Please pray for a way for us to be on campus without having to go through a bunch of red tape. Whether that is by joining up with another group already on campus or some other way, it’s vital that we find an “in”.

· Pray that we meet freshmen that are willing to host in the dorms. We are hoping to start at least one group in every living space (dorms and apartments) and finding freshmen willing to host a group is crucial.

2. Join our team - If you are local, let us know if you can help or know someone that can. We are praying for a local team to work with us, both students and non-students. To start, we are looking for people willing to lead groups in the dorms.

3. Send a team - We are looking for mission teams that would come and help with events on campus. August 19^th would be a great time to be here to help with freshman move-in day. Also, if you know anyone locally that might be able to volunteer or help, please let us know.

4. Support financially – Much like our days with InterVarsity, we are looking to build a team of supporters that will give to enable Dave to be on campus as much as possible. Our goal is to raise $4000 per month. If you are able to give monthly or a one-time gift please let us know. Our local sending church has set up a fund for us so all donations will be tax deductible.

Page Street Church

238 Chester Ave.

San Francisco, CA. 94132

Catching up and moving forward

This past Saturday, we celebrated a full year of living in California. Old friends (a friend from Baldwin high on Maui, one of the students we knew during New College ministry days) and new (even a couple we hadn't met who are moving here next month) gathered for a peanut-butter and chocolate themed evening. It was amazing to see all the wonderful people God has brought into our lives while we have been here!

So what has our experience been like this last year? Good question since we are waaayyyy overdue for an update. Which shows that mostly it has been a blur of new sights, people, experiences and just learning how to live day to day here. Some things God has affirmed:

God brought us to the right place. San Francisco felt like home very quickly. It's a beautiful place full of creative energy and the diversity makes us feel like we could have a Global Project every weekend.

God is growing our love for this place. We increasingly love the city, its people, its diversity and church planting network here.

There is a great need for relevant, faithful expressions of the gospel in the city. One of the dreams I've heard from church planters that have been here for years is that there would be a day when the Christians in San Francisco don't all know each other! There are some amazing things happening but also a lot of lost people.

The last year has been restoring. The last two years we were in Florida were a wilderness experience as we were seeking God for what He had next. We lost much of our passion for the lost and enthusiasm for the Kingdom of God. We feel like God has been renewing that passion that here in San Francisco. And in the midst of that, we can look back at those wilderness years and start to see how He was working to prepare us for being in this city and on this path.


Looking ahead......

Ever since we moved here college students keep coming up. The house we rented is quite close to San Francisco State University. Dave led a seminar at a conference on reaching college students and we ran into some college summer missionaries that were in the Bay Area last summer. There are over 200,000 college students just in San Francisco alone. At a recent conference that Dave attended, the question was asked "who are you called to?". After a couple of months of reflecting it was clear that after moving 3,000 miles across the country our love of the college campus remains.

The details are still being worked through, but the basic idea is to start a church in the area surrounding San Francisco State. The church will look different than most traditional churches in the sense that we won't start with a church building and a service. Our desire is to build a team that would commit to loving the SF State community and living life together.

We continue to work together to build up the Church Network Hub and are currently serving 6 churches and 2 non-profits as regular clients. The biggest challenge we have faced so far is finding culturally relevant models for effective administration in many different cultural and methodological contexts. It is enjoyable and challenging work.


Brook has also gotten more involved in Classical Conversations a group she was involved in during our time in Sarasota and then in the East Bay this year. She will be directing a San Francisco/Peninsula group in the fall. God has been showing her lately that strong, missional families are key to reaching this city. In a place of broken relationships, our families hold the key to breaking up hard ground. Classical Conversations equips parents to shepherd their children to "know God and make Him known." The details are in place and I'm praying for the families that will be raised up around the city to be salt and light.


The kids are doing great - getting to be tough city kids who walk a lot, ride buses and BART, and enjoy making all kinds of new friends. Samuel is intensely interested in chess and we are working to find him other people to play with since he regularly beats his parents. He is wrapping up 2nd grade and his 3rd baseball season. Lilia is busy planning her 4th birthday party and she's asked for a "Ladybug, slug, ballerina, princess" party. She had started reading and enjoys painting and drawing.

Life in the Bay Area

So we are hitting the 6-week mark here in California and sort of settling into life. The biggest news is that we've found a great place in San Francisco - affordable, close to people we know and really cute (yes - Brook writing. It was built in the '30s and has lots of character). It felt like God was leading us to it - we had looked all day outside the city and stopped by to pick up some mail. We stumbled upon an open house and it was a great place! The landlord was willing to work with our income situation and is even letting us move in a week early without charging us extra. We are planning to start a house church with two other families nearby and we are praying to be salt and light in this neighborhood.

We are also getting our projects off the ground and getting to know the amazing team of church planters here in the Bay Area. There are so many faithful, creative people here trying to reach many different ethnic groups and populations. Dave had an opportunity to preach in a church in San Pablo recently and it's encouraging to be back in ministry.


Church Network Hub California is also getting off the ground. Our vision is to provide administrative services to church plants and small churches so pastors can be freed up to do ministry. It's taking a lot of work to build relationships and communicate our vision for this ministry. Several churches have "signed on" and we have several opportunities to present to various groups of church planters. Dave will also be helping with 3 teams coming to the Bay Area to serve and hear about the vision planters have to reach this largely unchurched area.



In the meantime, our family is adjusting to the pace of life and enjoying exploring the area. The parks, library, state parks and such. We love the weather and look forward to being in the city. The only thing we aren't enjoying is the traffic! But the other day, even Samuel prayed that he was thankful God called us here. We see His goodness all over and his hand everywhere. He is especially restoring Dave's and my heart for lost people and renewing our passion for building the kingdom. There is a lot ahead to fall into place but we are so thankful to be part of what God is doing here. Thanks for your prayers!

My camera is still in a box somewhere but i snapped this with my phone at a nearby state park. Very cool old carousel.

So we really moved to California

So we've been a little remiss at blog updating but we arrived in California on May 27th. About 2 days before we left Florida a friend of an aquaintance offered us his large, kid friendly apartment in Oakland to sublet very affordably until August 1st. Also, I signed a new client for my little healthcare billing company. It was more testimony to God's provision getting us here. The kids are adjusting well and we are enjoying the significantly cooler temperatures here in Northern California. After a day at the San Francisco Exploratorium and a lovely drive over the Golden Gate bridge and back through the hills towards the East Bay, Samuel said, "Dad, I think it was a good idea to move here." Right now we are in the initial stage of loving everything - different trees, farmer's market, Trader Joe's. I'm sure this will give way to some adjustment challenges (like the sheer volume of people which is mind-boggling) but for now we are just enjoying the adventure and exploration.

There is still a long way to go to getting settled. We are working hard to get the Church Administrative Hub and short term team mission program off the ground and running. It feels like a huge task most days! We are also looking for housing in the city which poses its own challenges when you are looking for an affordable, family-friendly place. Both are tasks that need much divine inspiration and we are looking forward to seeing what God does in the coming 6 weeks.

Please pray for provision and clarity of vision as we celebrate what God has done to get us here and look forward to what He's going to do in and through us here.

Counting down the days!

Everywhere we look it seems like things are falling into place for this move. There is still a lot that needs to happen, but it has been amazing to see how God is at work. I (Brook) visited San Fran a few weeks back. Out of that trip is growing a more concrete vision for our work there. There are three projects that Dave and I will be developing together:

First, a Church Network Hub that will serve the many small and growing plants in the city. One of the challenges newly planted churches face is that as they grow, their administrative needs grow but not enough to hire a full-time person. Pastors, who would rather be with people, often end up filling this role or hand it off to volunteers. Our vision is to have a quality service that pools resources to offer project management, communication and print services and financial services to keep these churches running well with minimal stress on the pastors. Part of my trip was meeting with California state leaders and the director of a similar hub in Seattle to pull this project together. We were able to have a set up meeting with our first client while I was there. Since I love to organize things, this will be my main project.

Secondly, Dave will be working on a short-term missions program to coordinate teams of all sizes and ages to serve various ministries in the city. We are hoping this will include training, serving and encountering God in fresh ways for both the people who serve and the people who come to serve. I am looking forward to seeing Dave use his gifts in equipping and training again.

Third, we will be keeping our business which will change from Healthcare Billing Solutions to Integrity Small Business Solutions (or something to that effect). San Fran is a city of entreprenuers and small businesses run by people of many different cultures and approaches. In talking to some local business people, it seems there is a need for similar services that we are offering the churches we serve - administration, bookkeeping, resource pooling, etc. We hope that this not only helps us make a liveable salary but also gives us an incarnational place in the marketplace and helps us build relationships with all different kinds of people in the city. A business person in the community is going to help us through this process, start as our first client, and introduce us to his contacts.


There are still many details to fall into place but every step of the way we see doors opening and feel God's leading. It's exciting to see!

We covet your prayers as we get towards the last few weeks of our time in Florida. Our one-way tickets are purchased for May 27th. Not much time left as the boxes pile higher around the house! Please keep the following in prayer:

****Housing - Our heart is to live in the city of San Francisco. We want to be immersed in the culture of the city, have a place we can use for hospitality ministry and be near the people we want to serve and reach. This would be a miracle! We've looked at many options and will stay with friends until something works out. Also, our house needs to sell here. We are praying that happens quickly and also that it would be a blessing to another family. Finances will be tight, especially the first few months, and we are looking forward to seeing how God will provide.

*****Last minute details - Packing continues and apparently the children still need to be fed and kept happy in the process! We all need physical and emotional strength to end well and stay kind to each other. And we need all those small miracles and wisdom in daily decisions to keep up with all that needs to happen.


*****Grace for all - We will be leaving family, friends and familiar surroundings and ask for your prayers to minister to our kids and the family we are leaving as well as to be ready for whatever adventure this move brings. I'm sure it is going to be harder and better than we can dream up right now. We'll need that grace that brings strength and sustenance with every little step.


If you haven't heard Bebo Norman's latest album I would highly recommend it. A line from one of my favorite songs on the album says, "Let my ruins become the ground you build upon." That is my prayer. The last two years have been a process of tearing down, removing debris and getting back to the core of following Jesus for His love and grace, not some ministry or expectation or formula. I'm seeing the signs of rebuilding. It is exciting and scary and amazing all at once.

Preparations continue....

A few things the week has made the impending move the San Francisco more concrete: A huge garage sale - our house is looking less and less cluttered My replacement at Practice Solutions has been hired and trained. The job was an answer to her prayer as she had been looking since October. The kids are wrapping up their school year activities including Classical Conversations, our homeschool co-op. Here is Samuel receiving an award for becoming a "Memory Master" - the top prize in the program.



I'm flying to San Fran tomorrow (Sunday) to meet with some of the church movement leaders, look at a house for rent in the city we are considering and try to solidify details. It will be an important trip for connecting our heart and vision with the vision of the church planting movement there and also to make our plans for moving in late May. Please keep the following items in prayer:

*Clarity of thought and communication during two full days of meetings with state level leaders as well as some from out of state who are going to help us get the administrative hub off the ground.

*Grace for Dave as he cares for both kids on his own while I'm away.

*Open eyes to see where God wants us to live and build friendships with neighbors. We are looking specifically in the Sunset District - a largely Asian part of the city with the Russian area just across the Golden Gate Park in the Richmond Disctrict. It's also the district that seems more family oriented than other parts of the city and it tends to be foggier so it's cheaper than the notoriously high rents in the city.

Thanks for your love! We are realzing how many amazing people we've known in this season and how blessed we are. Only one month to go....

One a personal note, it has been such a freeing thing to de-clutter our lives. After 11 years in the house stuff accumulates and piles up (even though neither of us are shoppers!). It feels freeing to let go of stuff i've been holding on to "just in case I might need it someday." Looking into the unknown, God seems more trustworthy in the big things (like selling our house in a crazy market and finding a place to live in an expensive city) and the small things (like Samuel finding things to get excited about moving to California and people being able to use many of the things we are getting rid of). I feel like He is rebuilding my faith in Him even though I have certainly doubted His purposes over the last 2 years. How humbled I am at all He has done for us and all He will do in the future. What a wonderful Father.

More specifics on California...

We are busily sorting stuff and getting ready for our move the 3rd week of May. It seems to be moving so quickly but we are seeing God's hand in so many ways that we both have a tremendous peace about everything that is happening. Several people have asked about what we will be doing once we arrive in the San Francisco Bay Area so here are some details:

Our first project will be starting an adminsitrative hub that will serve the small and growing church plants in the SF Bay area. Many of these churches need bookkeeping, help with project planning, newsletters, databases of fundraising contacts and members, etc. Being small and growing the church staff wants to spend time buidling relationships and minsitering to their people and they do not have the resources for full time staff. Our vision is to pool resources and centralize these functions to serve these churches. I (Brook) am excited to use my compulsion to organize things for the kingdom.

As this is getting established, we will be working on getting to know the area and build relationships with the various ministries there. This will help us establish a centralized way to coordinate short-term mission teams into the Bay Area. As a popular vacation destiantion, the San Fran Bay area could be a great place for groups of people to serve and vacation at the same time. This fits well with our passion and something that Dave is particularly gifted at.

This will all be along side a wonderful church planting community. We've spoken with many planters over the last few monts and there is a great spirit of cooperation there. We are hoping that being part of this community will help us discern what direction God may have for us in church planting. We are excited about the Russian-speaking community there and we are open to whatever God has for us in the future. Like any missionary relocating to a different culture, it will take us about 2 years to get settled and adjust to the area. I am planning on brushing up my Russian language and am trying to get Sam excited about learning Russian as well. From there, we will see what God does.

Finally, we'd like to request your prayers on a couple things as we embark on this adventure. There are still many details left to fall into place (for example, a place to live when we get there) but we are seeing God pull all this together so beautifully that we are confident those things will work out. Please pray with us on the following:

* Kids - Lilia is blissfully unaware of the impending change but Samuel is starting to realize that he will be leaving friends, family, baseball team, homeschool community, etc and gets sad sometimes. Please pray for his adjustment.

* Dave's family, who lives in Sarasota, is understandably sad about us leaving. Please pray for comfort for them and a peace about not having us so close anymore.

* Selling our house! We are praying that like it has been to us for 11 years, this house will be a blessing to another family.




We will miss the lovely Gulf Coast but I'm sure we will enjoy the lovely Pacific Ocean!

A Long Overdue Update

Well, it's been quite a while since the last "Maturo Messenger". For those that don't know, that was our newsletter from our IV Staff days. It's hard to believe it's been almost two years since we left IV. In some ways, it's gone by quickly, and in others, it's been excutiatingly slow.

So we think it's time to update everyone on what we've been up to. Admittedly, we have been exceptionally poor in keeping people up to date with our lives, so this is an attempt to catch people up and let folks know what we're doing now.

To pick up where we left off, Dave left IV staff at the end of the '07 school year. It was an amazing 10+ years on staff with IV and we saw God do great things over those years. We really enjoyed our time on staff and all the great students that allowed us to be a part of their lives. We keep up with many still (thank you, facebook) and see some from time to time. It was not easy leaving staff but we felt it was time.

Around the same time we were finishing up with IV, we were doing some reading on the missional church and were getting very excited about what was going on. Through some friends of ours that moved to Seattle, Dave got in touch with a pastor there that was looking for someone to start a college church across the street from the University of Washington. It was a dream job in every way. A three-story former frat house with two floors of dorm-type rooms, two basement apartments and a main floor that could be used for meeting space and a coffee shop. It couldn't have been more perfect.

After a few months of talking with the pastor, Dave took a trip to Seattle and spoke at the church that wanted to start this college church. Everything went very well and we were looking at moving as soon as possible. Then everything started to go wrong. It gets very, very complicated, but after eight more months of nothing working out, we finally had to let go of the dream job. Needless to say, Dave was crushed and went into a bit of a tail spin. He left the one job he loved with the belief that God had something better in store only to see that disappear as well. As you might imagine, this was not a good time. (don't worry, it gets better).

The next step was to try and find a job. So what does a guy that did college ministry for 10 years do? College ministry, of course. After a few months, many resumes, a few interviews and even a trip to Missouri, nothing had come through.

During this time Brook started her own medical billing company and then shortly after started managing a credentialing company as well. Dave watched the kids and worked part-time at a golf course. It paid the bills (sort of) but it wasn't what either of us wanted to do.

That brings us to a few months ago. For some reason, one day Dave decided to contact a church planter that he met during his trip to Seattle. A few emails back and forth ended with Dave getting the name of Linda Bergquist. Linda is a church plant strategist in San Francisco and was intersted in talking with us.

A quick aside....during these past couple of years, Dave has been very influenced by the book "The Shaping of Things to Come". If you haven't read it, please do. I'll get into it another time, but it had a major impact on how Dave did ministry his last year on staff with IV and continues to impact him daily.

Anyway, during the first phone conversation with Linda, Dave brought up "Shaping" and a specific idea in the book. Turns out Linda came up with the concept that was talked about in the book! It was at this point that Dave started to believe something was up. Up until this point, we were having a tough time figuring out what God was doing.

After quite a few more conversations, we planned a visit to SF. For those that don't know, SF has always been Dave's favorite city and is less than an hour from where he grew up. Our hope was to figure out if SF might be where God wanted us to be. At worst, at least we'd get a few days away in the greatest city on earth.

After a few days in the city, we were very much enjoying ourselves but not necessarily seeing where we were going to fit. We had spent the day with a former student of ours and afterward the two of us were sitting in Ikea eating dinner (who knew they had a food court?) trying to figure out what we were going to do. Brook had multiple job offers in the Bay Area, but neither of us wanted Brook to work full-time. We loved the city and the church planters we had met, but we didn't see how it could work out.
An hour or so later we are sitting at Linda's kitchen table when she brings up the idea of creating a mission program in San Francisco that would host teams from all over the country with the idea of growing and supporting local church plants in the Bay Area.

It clicked. For the first time in a very long time, we both saw something that could work. Something that would allow us to do ministry together, continue to homeschool the kids, use what we've learned in our years on campus and taking teams overseas, fit both of our gifts and satisfy our desire for a missional communtiy. We were so excited we couldn't sleep and spent the next couple of hours jotting down ideas of what the program might look like.

These last few months have been both exciting and difficult for us. The prospect of finding what we've been looking for has encouraged us, but we've also been through this before and are trying to be cautious as well and not get too excited. But we believe we are to the point of letting people know what is going on and asking our friends to join us in prayer.

There are still quite a few things that need to be worked out, logistical and otherwise. Our desire is to be in SF by the beginning of summer which isn't very far away. We've begun the groundwork of putting together the mission program and believe we've done just about all we can do from here. Now we need to get on the ground in SF and put it all together.

There will be time for specifics on these things, but we think we've written more than enough for now. We will use this blog to update what is going on and a little more about the project. On top of all of this, there are 16,000 Russians living in the area of SF that we want to move to and very few, if any, missional churches reaching out.

So there you have it and now you're all caught up. This entry is quite long, but hopefully it makes up somewhat for our silence over the past couple of years. Thank you for your patience both in reading this blog and with us in general. More to follow...sooner than later.

A Russian Orthodox church in San Francisco.