Reading journals.....

I have loved to keep a journal since I could first write. I have one from about 1st grade when I was apparently very angry at my dad for going on a business trip. All I wrote was, "Papa came home. Stupid Papa came home." Poor guy. Just doing his job and I get upset with him. I have stacks and stacks of those pretty diaries (on the outside, not always so pretty inside I must admit).

"We have heard it with our ears, O God; our ancestors have told us what you did in their days, in days long ago." Psalm 44:2

Now I just use a binder with lots of sections. Like the Israelites told stories and built altars to remind themselves and their children of God's faithfulness, my scribbles are my reminders - of God's faithfulness and all He has done in my life. This is helpful because I am very forgetful. Give me a difficult day and I get all whiny about the uncertainty of life and how I continually feel like a failure in living a godly, loving life. Yet, how can I read about these things without being awed at God's faithfulness?

• In high school, when I loved looking down on my Christian friends and arguing with them He gently drew my heart to Him.
• In college, when I felt lost and confused I found myself with a godly, loving roommate.
  
• When I graduated and headed off to Ukraine, having no idea what I was doing with my life He brought Dave into the picture.
• When we landed in Sarasota not knowing a soul, He raised up a fruitful ministry and loving supporters, colleagues and friends.
  
• When we dreamed of having a house where we could live in community with students we found ourselves with one that we were blessed to live in for 12 years.
• God has blessed us with two wonderful, precious lives to care for and enjoy and another to hold when we get to heaven.
  
• When we needed almost $12,000 to travel with 5 students to Tajikistan He provided every last penny. And brought everyone home safely.
  
• When we sought him through 2 years of wilderness for what to do next he prepared us and provided for us to miraculously get to San Francisco, provide us a place to live, and raise up the Hub out of nothing.
  

The list could go on and on. And on and on. So it seems almost silly that I would look ahead with fear. With a God so faithful to lead and provide in the past, is there any reason He won't continue to do so? Why can't we dream of a house near SF State where we could live in community with students or other mission-hearted people? Why wouldn't God raise up leaders to start small communities that will grow in love and ministry? Why couldn't God place a business near campus that would incarnate gospel values and solidify a missional presence in that community? If we are truly walking in His will, or at least making a sincere effort to do so, why shouldn't I trust Him to provide all we need to live and raise our family?

It might not look like we dream. It might take longer than we would like. It will be a tough fight sometimes. But I'm making sure to jot down my random thoughts and disjointed prayer requests and I'm looking forward to looking back on them years from now and smiling at God's faithfulness and sharing them with our children. Because I'm sure I'll forget by then but I know He is faithful. I'm trying to keep that in mind - being uncertain of the future means it might be better than I expect not the difficulties I fear. The past certainly has been.

The difference 15 years makes

It feels hard to believe but it was about 15 years ago when we felt the tug of our hearts towards the college campuses of Sarasota. We didn't know what we were getting into or where it would lead, we just knew that there were students who weren't being reached and that we were willing to step out to do something about it. Over the next 10ish years, we saw God raise up dozens of students as Bible study leaders, led several on the path to following Jesus who hadn't been there before, traveled overseas with students multiple times, found a huge house to live with students as well as provide for all we needed over those years.

So now we are looking at engaging in similar pioneer work at a campus here in a new city. We know God has been at work there and will continue to be and we are taking similar steps of faith - not sure what it will look like, who it will involve or how our needs and the needs of the ministry will be met. But taking steps of faith like this when we are in our late 30's feels quite different from our early 20's. Here are some of the differences I'm (Brook) noticing these days:

The stakes feel higher Doing something crazy when you are just married and only responsible for yourself felt a little different that when you have two kids. The responsibility for those little lives and the fact that our choices impact them weighs heavily on me sometimes. Pursuing this path may mean a smaller college fund, less summer camps, less travel, maybe less opportunity. I often lay hands on their peaceful heads as they sleep at night and wonder about those things. Dave often reminds me that, "If we are about the right things, our kids will see that." Living a little on the edge reminds me what is important to teach my children - to take steps of faith and respond to God's leading. If they learn that, the lack of swimming lessons doesn't seem like such a big deal. I don't believe their lives will lack adventure and I'd rather them see lives lived faithfully and in obedience than have the best the world can offer. But I often hate that I have to make tough decisions and frequently say "no" to things I wish I could say "yes" to.

To some extent, I have a more realistic picture of ministry life When i was 22 and just married, hopes and dreams came easily. I had grand pictures of what a fruitful ministry could look like and what it would be like to live like a missionary. In some ways, the real joys of ministry have surpassed what I expected. The joy of praying with someone to receive new life or seeing God do miracles to provide for tremendous need can't be surpassed by any success the world offers. On the other side, the battle has often been more intense than I expected. A broken heart at someone I've come to love make bad choices or seeing someone I've prayed for for years continue to turn away from God's drawing have almost been too much to bear at times. So the deeper picture comes with both happy anticipation and fear. God is still the same God that did miracles then and there is no reason to doubt Him now. I've been praying for God's dreams and deep, genuine love for the people of San Francisco and specifically this campus will surpass any fear that might take root in my heart. I can no longer live off youthful enthusiasm, God has to grow a deep love for His people and purposes. A love that surpasses the fear of failure or hurt. I believe He can do this.

I care less about what other people think. This is something God has been breaking me of for quite a while. In the early days of getting on campus and introducing myself to people, I equated them liking be with being receptive to the gospel. Older and wiser, I feel more and more that I can take myself out of the picture and just keep praying Jesus shines through. Before I was a follower of Jesus, one of the things that attracted me to a faith community was the freedom to love my friends seemed to feel. I'm praying that this will be attractive to those who are lost we might meet in this community.

I feel like we are living on the edge - we can't see what the future holds. But I'm doing my best to embrace that fully. Even as I grow older and lose much of the idealism of my youth, I never want to become too security-centered and fearful to take steps where God is leading. He has been faithful all these years, there is no reason to believe things will change now. It just looks a little murkier from this side of 35 than from the other side. :)

A change in tone

So I've been reflecting on a couple things lately (this is Brook writing). One is making this blog a more honest reflection of what ministry, and more specifically ministry in San Francisco, is like on a daily basis. Having written LOTS of prayer letters and update emails over our many years of ministry, the inclination is always to share the good stuff - the progress we are making, the vision God has given us, the ways He has provided, the needs we have. But as many of us know, there is another side to ministry...and parenting...and life. The daily ups and downs, the doubt about where God is leading, the embattled feeling. I've been reading a friend's blog who writes about parenting a special needs child and while her situation is different from mine, I find myself drawn to her honesty and encouraged by the hope she finds in the daily ups and downs of her life. Maybe because it affirms what I've been realizing with stunning clarity the last month - things will not be better this side of heaven. Not that we don't heal, or we don't have hope, or we don't experience joy. But that the sooner I accept that there isn't some magic super-spiritual place where I'm going to make all the right choices and never lose my temper and never get discouraged the less disappointed I will feel when my day doesn't go well or I fail at being the woman of God I feel called to be.

We all put our best face forward for each other so I often look around and think everyone else must be sliding through life effortlessly, what's wrong with me? I was on my knees the other night after a tiring day when I felt i had failed at the most basic task of just being kind to my sweet husband and sweeter children. I asked God to take some pressure off, give me a break, make it easier somehow. Then I felt His comforting hand and He asked me, "Are you better than everyone else that I should make things easy? How else do I get you here with Me?" It was humbling. I want to stay in that place without the hard stuff but I'm seeing that isn't possible. When things feel easy, I don't pay much attention to God.


So now I'm wondering if more of us were like my friend who blogs so honestly about her journey as a mom we wouldn't feel so alone. We still expect God to answer prayers and have praise requests to report but maybe I'll share some other parts of the roller coaster ride that is church planting. And perhaps in the process, we will all look forward to heaven more when every tear will be dried, every burden lifted, every wound healed and every dream fulfilled. And many of the lost friends and neighbors we work and pray and weep over will be there with us. What a glorious day that will be.

Supporting the Matrix @ San Francisco State

Thank you for your interest in supporting the Matrix at San Francisco State. Brook and I are excited to get this new ministry started and we are less than two months away from freshmen arriving on campus.

As someone that has signed up to support us in one way or another, we wanted to share with you four different ways you can help.

1. Pray for us – There is quite a bit to be done between now and then and I wanted to fill you in on a couple of prayer requests.

· Please pray for a way for us to be on campus without having to go through a bunch of red tape. Whether that is by joining up with another group already on campus or some other way, it’s vital that we find an “in”.

· Pray that we meet freshmen that are willing to host in the dorms. We are hoping to start at least one group in every living space (dorms and apartments) and finding freshmen willing to host a group is crucial.

2. Join our team - If you are local, let us know if you can help or know someone that can. We are praying for a local team to work with us, both students and non-students. To start, we are looking for people willing to lead groups in the dorms.

3. Send a team - We are looking for mission teams that would come and help with events on campus. August 19^th would be a great time to be here to help with freshman move-in day. Also, if you know anyone locally that might be able to volunteer or help, please let us know.

4. Support financially – Much like our days with InterVarsity, we are looking to build a team of supporters that will give to enable Dave to be on campus as much as possible. Our goal is to raise $4000 per month. If you are able to give monthly or a one-time gift please let us know. Our local sending church has set up a fund for us so all donations will be tax deductible.

Page Street Church

238 Chester Ave.

San Francisco, CA. 94132

Catching up and moving forward

This past Saturday, we celebrated a full year of living in California. Old friends (a friend from Baldwin high on Maui, one of the students we knew during New College ministry days) and new (even a couple we hadn't met who are moving here next month) gathered for a peanut-butter and chocolate themed evening. It was amazing to see all the wonderful people God has brought into our lives while we have been here!

So what has our experience been like this last year? Good question since we are waaayyyy overdue for an update. Which shows that mostly it has been a blur of new sights, people, experiences and just learning how to live day to day here. Some things God has affirmed:

God brought us to the right place. San Francisco felt like home very quickly. It's a beautiful place full of creative energy and the diversity makes us feel like we could have a Global Project every weekend.

God is growing our love for this place. We increasingly love the city, its people, its diversity and church planting network here.

There is a great need for relevant, faithful expressions of the gospel in the city. One of the dreams I've heard from church planters that have been here for years is that there would be a day when the Christians in San Francisco don't all know each other! There are some amazing things happening but also a lot of lost people.

The last year has been restoring. The last two years we were in Florida were a wilderness experience as we were seeking God for what He had next. We lost much of our passion for the lost and enthusiasm for the Kingdom of God. We feel like God has been renewing that passion that here in San Francisco. And in the midst of that, we can look back at those wilderness years and start to see how He was working to prepare us for being in this city and on this path.


Looking ahead......

Ever since we moved here college students keep coming up. The house we rented is quite close to San Francisco State University. Dave led a seminar at a conference on reaching college students and we ran into some college summer missionaries that were in the Bay Area last summer. There are over 200,000 college students just in San Francisco alone. At a recent conference that Dave attended, the question was asked "who are you called to?". After a couple of months of reflecting it was clear that after moving 3,000 miles across the country our love of the college campus remains.

The details are still being worked through, but the basic idea is to start a church in the area surrounding San Francisco State. The church will look different than most traditional churches in the sense that we won't start with a church building and a service. Our desire is to build a team that would commit to loving the SF State community and living life together.

We continue to work together to build up the Church Network Hub and are currently serving 6 churches and 2 non-profits as regular clients. The biggest challenge we have faced so far is finding culturally relevant models for effective administration in many different cultural and methodological contexts. It is enjoyable and challenging work.


Brook has also gotten more involved in Classical Conversations a group she was involved in during our time in Sarasota and then in the East Bay this year. She will be directing a San Francisco/Peninsula group in the fall. God has been showing her lately that strong, missional families are key to reaching this city. In a place of broken relationships, our families hold the key to breaking up hard ground. Classical Conversations equips parents to shepherd their children to "know God and make Him known." The details are in place and I'm praying for the families that will be raised up around the city to be salt and light.


The kids are doing great - getting to be tough city kids who walk a lot, ride buses and BART, and enjoy making all kinds of new friends. Samuel is intensely interested in chess and we are working to find him other people to play with since he regularly beats his parents. He is wrapping up 2nd grade and his 3rd baseball season. Lilia is busy planning her 4th birthday party and she's asked for a "Ladybug, slug, ballerina, princess" party. She had started reading and enjoys painting and drawing.

Life in the Bay Area

So we are hitting the 6-week mark here in California and sort of settling into life. The biggest news is that we've found a great place in San Francisco - affordable, close to people we know and really cute (yes - Brook writing. It was built in the '30s and has lots of character). It felt like God was leading us to it - we had looked all day outside the city and stopped by to pick up some mail. We stumbled upon an open house and it was a great place! The landlord was willing to work with our income situation and is even letting us move in a week early without charging us extra. We are planning to start a house church with two other families nearby and we are praying to be salt and light in this neighborhood.

We are also getting our projects off the ground and getting to know the amazing team of church planters here in the Bay Area. There are so many faithful, creative people here trying to reach many different ethnic groups and populations. Dave had an opportunity to preach in a church in San Pablo recently and it's encouraging to be back in ministry.


Church Network Hub California is also getting off the ground. Our vision is to provide administrative services to church plants and small churches so pastors can be freed up to do ministry. It's taking a lot of work to build relationships and communicate our vision for this ministry. Several churches have "signed on" and we have several opportunities to present to various groups of church planters. Dave will also be helping with 3 teams coming to the Bay Area to serve and hear about the vision planters have to reach this largely unchurched area.



In the meantime, our family is adjusting to the pace of life and enjoying exploring the area. The parks, library, state parks and such. We love the weather and look forward to being in the city. The only thing we aren't enjoying is the traffic! But the other day, even Samuel prayed that he was thankful God called us here. We see His goodness all over and his hand everywhere. He is especially restoring Dave's and my heart for lost people and renewing our passion for building the kingdom. There is a lot ahead to fall into place but we are so thankful to be part of what God is doing here. Thanks for your prayers!

My camera is still in a box somewhere but i snapped this with my phone at a nearby state park. Very cool old carousel.

So we really moved to California

So we've been a little remiss at blog updating but we arrived in California on May 27th. About 2 days before we left Florida a friend of an aquaintance offered us his large, kid friendly apartment in Oakland to sublet very affordably until August 1st. Also, I signed a new client for my little healthcare billing company. It was more testimony to God's provision getting us here. The kids are adjusting well and we are enjoying the significantly cooler temperatures here in Northern California. After a day at the San Francisco Exploratorium and a lovely drive over the Golden Gate bridge and back through the hills towards the East Bay, Samuel said, "Dad, I think it was a good idea to move here." Right now we are in the initial stage of loving everything - different trees, farmer's market, Trader Joe's. I'm sure this will give way to some adjustment challenges (like the sheer volume of people which is mind-boggling) but for now we are just enjoying the adventure and exploration.

There is still a long way to go to getting settled. We are working hard to get the Church Administrative Hub and short term team mission program off the ground and running. It feels like a huge task most days! We are also looking for housing in the city which poses its own challenges when you are looking for an affordable, family-friendly place. Both are tasks that need much divine inspiration and we are looking forward to seeing what God does in the coming 6 weeks.

Please pray for provision and clarity of vision as we celebrate what God has done to get us here and look forward to what He's going to do in and through us here.