A change in tone

So I've been reflecting on a couple things lately (this is Brook writing). One is making this blog a more honest reflection of what ministry, and more specifically ministry in San Francisco, is like on a daily basis. Having written LOTS of prayer letters and update emails over our many years of ministry, the inclination is always to share the good stuff - the progress we are making, the vision God has given us, the ways He has provided, the needs we have. But as many of us know, there is another side to ministry...and parenting...and life. The daily ups and downs, the doubt about where God is leading, the embattled feeling. I've been reading a friend's blog who writes about parenting a special needs child and while her situation is different from mine, I find myself drawn to her honesty and encouraged by the hope she finds in the daily ups and downs of her life. Maybe because it affirms what I've been realizing with stunning clarity the last month - things will not be better this side of heaven. Not that we don't heal, or we don't have hope, or we don't experience joy. But that the sooner I accept that there isn't some magic super-spiritual place where I'm going to make all the right choices and never lose my temper and never get discouraged the less disappointed I will feel when my day doesn't go well or I fail at being the woman of God I feel called to be.

We all put our best face forward for each other so I often look around and think everyone else must be sliding through life effortlessly, what's wrong with me? I was on my knees the other night after a tiring day when I felt i had failed at the most basic task of just being kind to my sweet husband and sweeter children. I asked God to take some pressure off, give me a break, make it easier somehow. Then I felt His comforting hand and He asked me, "Are you better than everyone else that I should make things easy? How else do I get you here with Me?" It was humbling. I want to stay in that place without the hard stuff but I'm seeing that isn't possible. When things feel easy, I don't pay much attention to God.


So now I'm wondering if more of us were like my friend who blogs so honestly about her journey as a mom we wouldn't feel so alone. We still expect God to answer prayers and have praise requests to report but maybe I'll share some other parts of the roller coaster ride that is church planting. And perhaps in the process, we will all look forward to heaven more when every tear will be dried, every burden lifted, every wound healed and every dream fulfilled. And many of the lost friends and neighbors we work and pray and weep over will be there with us. What a glorious day that will be.